Australian sex therapist and relationship counsellor Dr Rosie King gives us some tips to help us ensure that the sizzle doesn’t go out of our relationships.
1. Our relationships are like rare tropical plants. If it isn’t nurtured, it will wither and die.
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To foster closeness, try to engage in emotional intimacy (sharing thoughts and feelings), recreational intimacy (enjoying each other’s company) and sexual intimacy (plenty of affection and regular, satisfying sexual activity). - AP |
To foster closeness, try to engage in emotional intimacy (sharing thoughts and feelings), recreational intimacy (enjoying each other’s company) and sexual intimacy (plenty of affection and regular, satisfying sexual activity).
2. Always keep the lines of communication open with your partner.
This means talking and listening to each other as well as sharing both his/her joys and fears.
Bear in mind that a lack of communication tends to act as a desire inhibitor for women while healthy communication tends to act as a typical female sexual enhancer.
3. Try to be affectionate with your partner outside of the bedroom. This is great advice especially for men who tend to leave the kissing and cuddling for the bedroom.
Women like being held – even in a non-sexual context. This tends to increase her interest in having sex with you so you will benefit from displays of affection.
Try holding hands or cuddling up to each other as you watch TV. This tends to create physical comfort as well as deepen the emotional bond between a couple.
4. Communication is important, not just on a daily basis, but also when it comes time to expressing what turns you on. Tell your partner what pleases you – after all, he/she is not a mind reader.
If you’ve been relying on guesswork up to this point, it is more than likely that you have been getting it wrong.
That probably explains the lack of sex you’ve been having!
If you’re too embarrassed to tell your partner what you like, show him/her. Also, don’t forget to ask him/her what you can do to enhance his/her sexual desire.
5. Don’t be ashamed to seek professional help if physical problems such as erectile dysfunction (ED) or female sexual dysfunction (FSD) starts to affect your sex life and eventually your relationship as a whole. Studies indicate that women with FSD are 2.5 to five times more likely to report low levels of general happiness and 41% of them also feel that they are to be blamed for their partners’ ED. This cannot help but put a strain on the relationship.
6. Understand what turns your partner on. Men and women have different enhancers of sexual desire and you wouldn’t want to be in a situation where ‘‘never the twain shall meet’’.
While women love romantic gestures and a sense of emotional closeness, among other things, men are more visually stimulated and enjoy seeing their partners in sexy outfits and behaving provocatively.
It would be important to ensure that both parties try to please each other.
Men could try to communicate better with their wives or buy her the occasional bouquet while women could occasionally throw caution to the wind and put on a mini strip-tease for her hubbie!
This helps to keep the magic alive, and more importantly, demonstrates a desire to make our partners happy.
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